Saturday, March 06, 2010

Human after all.

Haven't felt so hurt, so pain in such a long time.
Like the pain is so familiar but it comes to sudden.
I don't like it.
It's like scrapping a wound that has been recovered and letting it bleed again.
I really don't like it.

Today last day of serve.
The friendship I make here I wish it would last forever.
I treasure friends.
I treasure them a lot.
Losing my ex-bestie was one thing I regret the most.
That's why I treasure the friendships I made regardless in serve or in red camp.

It hurts when I hear comments like this.
It hurts when being friendly to me becomes being a player to other people.
It hurts when I just want to be me but people don't accept it so I have to act.
It hurts when I try to connect with you but you say you cannot talk to me sometimes.
It hurts when I'm always the one doing everything but to you it's not good enough.
It hurts when I have to be the one to patch up the friendship first but not you.
It hurts cause it's always you first, my friend, before me.
It hurts so bad that maybe being cold to people is better huh.

I know people meant well and care for me.
But have you thought maybe is you sometimes?
Yes I admit, my friendship with my exbestie is broken because of me mostly.
But did she ever thought about how I feel when I repeatedly ask for her forgiveness?
Have she thought how much courage and how much pain I had to endure just to apologised to her.
Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.
But have she spared my feelings when she said she didn't want to be my friend anymore?

Argh. I hate it when past memories come back.
I hate it when all this is like a cycle again.
I hate it.
I know you meant well.
But have you put yourself in my shoes.
Have you ever?
If you did, then okay. Fine it's my fault.
But if you haven't, just think about me first can?

God loves me.
God loves me.
Even if you don't so what.
My God loves me.

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hey thanks for commenting ya! you are the best person in the world! <3