Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Because this is who I am.

you dont have to like me.
I am an insecure person.
I must have been the most insecure person you have ever seen.
I have low self esteem.
I have the lowest self esteem you have ever seen.
I beat myself down everyday.
I tell myself how fat and ugly i look everyday.
When i look at the mirror i don't see someone i like.
Yesh, I hate myself.
There is literally nothing to like about me.
I'm loud, i'm vulgar, i'm not mature, i'm disgusting, i'm horny, i'm open, i'm a straight forward person, i'm a two face, i'm a horrible person.
So i don't see why i should like myself.

I know you can't believe i have low self esteem or insecure.
But I am.
So what if I post videos of myself singing.
So what if i post pictures of myself.
How does that show i have confident in myself.
Everyone does that.
Does this mean everyone is so confident in themselves,
so full of love for themselves?

I have many personalities.
I have many selfs.
Sometimes I can be all positive and happy shit.
Other times I can be all negative and suicidal.
Yes you didn't see wrongly.

This is who I am.
And I have lay it down for all you people.
You can decide whether to like/dislike me.
But idgaf really.

So do you think your hate would mean anything to me.

Maybe, but i don't slit because of you.
I slit because of me.

I'm being very honest this time.
Not so that people can pity and show concern for me.
But so that I can read this blog a few years later hopefully.
And know that since I am still alive after all these while,
that maybe I should hang on just a little more.

I have suicidal thoughts everyday.
and everyday i fight with those thoughts of wanting to jump down, slit myself, or just take some pills.

Just remember,

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hey thanks for commenting ya! you are the best person in the world! <3