Because they come and go.

So I was thinking about a lot of things these pass few days...
This is going to be another emo rant so if you are not up for it then I suggest you don't read it.

Friends come and go.
Friends can be anyone, but real friends are hard to find.
What happened to us? We used to be so close.
Then everything just changed.
I have so many friends leaving me that i'm already used to it.

I don't need a fairweathered friend.
I need someone who can be there for me.
But I guess it's impossible eh.
Everyone thinks I'm fine, no one understands, no one bother to talk to me and search deeper when I said "I'm fine"
Because am I really fine? I don't know.

How can someone who I used to talk to everyday, hang out to study, go to church together suddenly feels like she is disappearing from my life?
How can someone who walked with me through the tough times, encourage me whenever I'm down, laugh with me, emo with me just suddenly feela so distant.

How can all these happen? Is it me? Is it my fault? Am I not trying my best?

I blame you, I blame you for making me so fucking afraid when I feel I'm losing someone.
If all these stupid fights didn't happen, if we just hang on to the friendship, none of this would happen.
Bitch you age moving on with your life, happy etc while I'm still fucking stuck in the past.
Honestly, I should hate you for causing me so much pain.
But I know ultimately I'm in the wrong too.

I hate myself for losing you.
And I hate myself for not moving on.