Thursday, August 11, 2011

The only one left.

The only place left to say things that people would judge, criticize.
That's cause no one reads this place anymore.

It's too dull, too dark for your mind, too honest, too real for anyone to take it.

Happiness is your choice. You can choose to be happy, you can choose to be upset.
It's also in your mind, it's all about the mindset.

What if I told you i chose to be sad, to be upset.
Because i'm so used to the pain and the hurt that without it, it feels weird.
I'm so used to the pain and the hurt.
So used to it.

Do you really know me?
The girl who smiles with you, laugh with you, cracks jokes with you?
The girl who doesn't look like she needs anyone cause she's so happy.
I tried being her. I really tried to.
But for so many years of being happy, i'm so god damn tired.
I'm not genuine happy all the time.
I'm not.
And yet I have to.
Because if I know I am not, it's going to worry someone.
It's going to break someone's heart.

And so I do everything for other people.
Yet, my parents call me a selfish girl.
They think i'm spoiled, they think i'm self centered.
Yet sometimes I even feel that i'm not putting others first.

So yeah, i'm going to put everyone first yeah,
I'm going to satisfy everyone except me.
Everyone except me.

I thought my happiness was the first priority?
I guess not.
Others should come first.

I don't know where i'm going from this post.
and i see no end to it cause it's just my sadness on replay.

I think i have already lost myself.
I don't know who I am.
I have lost most passion on the things i used to like.

If I tell you, this would be my very last blog post.
Will you worry?

Cause I think you should right now.
And really don't regret not helping me when i'm gone.
But i'm just gonna say, i don't want any help because you read this.
Because you feel oblige to.

I don't need anyone of you.
Because i'm good in pushing people away.
I pushed God away.
I pushed my bestfriend away.
I pushed people who cared about me away.
So what makes you think I won't push you?

It's such an irony how I complained i'm so alone. When i'm the cause of it.

No comments:

Post a Comment

hey thanks for commenting ya! you are the best person in the world! <3