Such a happy gif, for an emotional post.
You don't really want to read this because you wouldn't like what you will see.
So anyway, it's only the second day of school.
And only in 2 days, I have experience disappointment over and over again.
So much pain I have to hide.
So fucking much pain.
And there is no way to release it.
Everyone is so busy, so fucking busy with their own lives.
And no one really understand the pain.
Fuck school, Fuck expectations, Fuck disappointments, Fuck life.
I shouldn't have let my guard down, I shouldn't have.
Why did I even expect anything.
Serious, with expectations come big disappointment.
Because I'm my own enemy, and the expectations I set are so hard to reach.
And I have talked to enough people about this and seems like the response I am getting is all the same.
ALL THE FUCKING SAME.
Seriously, don't you get the point, the reason I'm hurting?
Yesh, I know I can study harder, maybe will achiever better.
But haven't I been doing all that?
Haven't I been studying hard enough?
Haven't I been pushing my fucking self?
I thought I was.
And you can say my method of studying might be wrong.
But that isn't the point right.
I have studied so fucking much, I expect so much from myself.
And when the results come back, it's like fucking shit.
SO MUCH LOWER THAN MY EXPECTATIONS.
Do you know the feeling of disappointment.
Because I thought if you do, you will understand me.
But seems like no one has been disappointed before.
I have had it with
"Never mind, next time just study harder and do better"
WHAT IF THAT FUCKING NEXT TIME DOESN'T COME.
I'm just going to be disappointed again huh.
And the thing that other people did better than me, really kills me so much more inside.
What did they do to achieve that high.
Did they study as hard as me?
I don't see it.
Fuck it okay.
I'm not blogging right already.
i know this is not other people's fault. it's mine.
it's mine fault.
but it hurts so much.
and that no one understands.
yes, you can say you understand me.
but seriously you don't.
you don't know how much this hurts me.
YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
And i can't tell my parents this because i'm just going to disappoint them over and over again.
Like i always do.
I wish I can hurry turn 18 so I can die the next day.